#23 Hope it's not too late
Like Gnash said, friends can break your heart too. Also, I have an announcement!
On the bus ride home, I am in the very last seat, crammed between a woman munching on samosas and a girl scrolling through Instagram, looking bored. From my earphones plays a song that I'm currently hooked on, whose words are in your mother tongue.
The sunlight flits on and off my face, escaping through the gaps in the tree branches and through the half-open window. During one bright flash, I close my eyes, only to be blessed by your smiling face etched into my eyelids. You're grinning at me for heavens what reason. But I don't think you need a specific reason to smile except to bless this earth and my pitiful soul with the brilliance of your smile. When your face breaks into a grin, my soul breaks into a million stars, all bouncing across the universe with joy.
I open my eyes, and for a moment, you're right beside me on this crowded bus that is taking us both home, wherever that might be. Outside, one side of a building is ablaze, reflecting the golden glory of the sun. That's what it is like to have you in my life. All light and glorious. but you're not here, and I almost gasp for breath at the realisation. you're not in my life, and it hurts all over.
My mind takes me back to another memory relating to you and a different bus in a completely different scenario. One that is from 4 years ago. I was inside a bus then as well, but back then, to my right was not the view of concrete mountains but one that of actual snow-capped mountains. I whirled around to face the seat behind me to announce my bounding joy, and there you were, smiling once again at me.
That was a dream, during another of our fights. Soon after, I told you about the dream, and we made up. This time, it's different. You don’t pick up my calls. It's scary. It makes me wonder if I'll ever see you smile at me like that again. It makes me wonder if I truly screwed up this time. And if it’s too late to fix things.
I wrote this piece last month during a bad fight with S but over the past week, we’ve made up. We’re back to being best friends once again and are doing our best to annoy each other on a regular basis!
On top of that, I have one more piece of good news to add! From this month on, you’ll be receiving more of my newsletters, filled with poetry, photography, links to things I thought worth your attention, insights that shone beside my head like little electric bulbs, moments from my life that I turn into funny stories in order to cope (haha, just kidding! Or maybe not.), etc. Some of these might be made exclusive to paid subscribers. So, in order to not miss out on any of them, turn on paid subscriptions now if you haven’t already!
Due to my unpredictable yet tiresome schedule of juggling between studies, work and social life, I don’t have definite dates for when these newsletters will reach you. But I will soon work up a timetable that works best for all of us. So, I hope that you will consider upgrading your subscription to show me your love and support for me and my work. Thanks in advance!
Until next time,
- Aarthi. 🌻