Hey there,
Long time, no see. And it’s my fault, I know. My semester exams got over about a month ago and I should have gotten back to posting here regularly. But in my defence, I was in a headspace where I couldn’t think straight, let alone write.
To get over my slump, I decided to visit my old write-ups and get inspiration from them. So for the past couple of weeks, I’ve been going through them, dusting up and polishing gems that I have written over the years. Here’s one from 14.03.2021 that I think acts as an embodiment of many things that we women have wished to convey to society and men for a long time now.
The man she deserves
Dear men of this blind society,
Don't be the father that walks out on her. The one that doesn't care if she lives or dies, if she gets an education or not, or even if she has enough for the next meal. Don’t be the person that ignores his responsibility to make sure that she is safe, secure and happy. Make sure that the way you treat her, if not makes her feel like a princess, then at least doesn’t make her wish she was dead either.
Be the father that holds her hand as she takes her first step. The one that fills her with confidence and love. The one that guides her through life gently until she is ready to soar through the sky on her own.
Don't be the brother that takes advantage of his sister. The one who was supposed to look after her and protect her at all cost but instead became the cause of all her troubles and the source of her nightmares. The one responsible for turning her whole life into a minefield of trust issues and trauma, or the reason why she hates her body so much and keeps blaming herself for someone else’s mistakes.
Instead, be the brother that stands by her side when society tells her that she is not enough. Be the one to pull her back on her feet and to teach her how to fight back.
Don't be the friend that took away her innocence, trust, courage, dignity and happiness by behaving like a monster and treating her like prey. The person that was supposed to be there for her, help her in times of crisis but instead changed her life forever, in the worst possible ways. The friend who was anything but a friend.
Rather learn to be a decent human being that treats the opposite sex with kindness and compassion. Lend your ear and your support when she needs it, the same way she does for you.
Don't be the boyfriend that made her feel helpless, small, powerless and insignificant, that broke her heart and her body, poisoned her once brilliant mind and her fragile heart. Don’t be the partner that authored the misery that is her life. The guy that made her hate mirrors, pictures and men.
You could rather be the one that taught her the value of trust and intimacy. The one to restore her faith in love, relationships and men again. The one that helps her love her mind and her body in equal measures.
Don't be the husband who caged an angel within the four walls of a house. The husband that once vowed to hold her in sickness and in health, to stand by her side and treat her as his better half but instead became a pervert. The husband that turned his wife into his prey, devouring her skin and feasting upon her misery. The one ruling her life and ruining it, controlling her mind and sabotaging every new possibility. The “soulmate” that turns her future into a gigantic question mark as big and red as the lashes all over her broken body.
Vow, instead, to respect and treat her as your equal. Vow to never be aggressive and instead put her needs and her rights above all else. Swear to protect her body, mind and honour with all that you have.
Don't be the son who disowned his own mother who spent her every breath protecting you and providing for you, who gave you everything you ever wanted and needed, things that were even beyond her capacity. She didn’t do all of that just so you could turn into this evil, cold, venomous creature that makes her wish she hadn’t carried in her womb.
Give her the best you can of all that you have - love, time, understanding, care, admiration and protection, so that she can see that she has raised a good man.
Don’t be the boss that overlooks her talent and her hard work. The boss that treats her like an imbecile, mansplains the simplest of things, disrespects her and takes her for granted at every level. The one that pays more attention to her clothes than to her work ethic. The one that stands in the way of her success.
Lend her a hand when she struggles to meet a deadline and appreciate when she makes the mark. Earn her respect and she will earn you the next client deal without you even getting off the seat.
Don’t be the neighbour that makes her extra cautious about the curtains. Or the teacher that makes her want to stop coming to school. Don’t be the random dude staring at her on the local train. Or the stranger that makes her feel uncomfortable in public or scared while walking home alone at night.
Don't be the man that she fears. Be the father, the brother, the friend, the partner, the relative, the neighbour, the stranger she can trust. Be her strength and her courage. Her willpower and her guidance. Her role model and her support system. Don’t be the hurdle in her path; instead try being the compass she needs. The one that shows kindness and guides her through this mysterious maze called life. Be the kind of man that every woman deserves.
- Every woman ever.
Thanks for reading it through, instead of jumping on to an Instagram reel or a YouTube video. I promise to meet you soon with another one of my write-ups very soon, if you promise to stick around and keep supporting me!
Adios from your friendly neighbourhood sunflower,
- Aarthi. 🌻